15 Women Reveal How to Make Makeup Sex the Best Sex Ever
Sometimes it’s better to give (and receive!) than to withhold.
The two of you have had an argument. You’re still mad, but he’s not — and he wants to make up by making love. Fat chance: You cross your arms in front of your chest and stand firm, unmoved by the tender kisses he attempts to plant on the back of your neck. “How could he think he’s getting sex now?” you wonder. You’re not alone: When Redbook surveyed readers, 72 percent of female respondents said they withhold sex from their husbands when they fight.
But maybe you should open your arms and embrace your man instead of pushing him away. Having sex is not an admission that you’re wrong and he’s right. It’s an acknowledgment and a celebration of the love you share even in times of discord. Besides, 10 minutes after the shouting, he’s already past the argument. Women hold on to anger longer than men do. We could learn from them how to let it go.
For garden-variety fights — disputes over household chores, child-care duties, budgeting, in-laws, not big issues — makeup sex has the power to heal emotional wounds. “These ongoing issues may never be satisfactorily resolved,” says Diane Andoscia Urso, a couples therapist in New York, “but good sex can really take the edge off them.”
Here, seven makeup-sex strategies that have worked for wives who’ve found that it’s better to give (and receive!) than to withhold.
1. Let Your Anger Arouse You
For many couples an argument is verbal foreplay; they’re sexually aroused by debate. This isn’t surprising. The adrenaline rush accompanying mild anger creates a response in the brain that is similar to sexual arousal. To use that rush to your advantage, avoid uttering the harsh words and accusations that turn a little fight into a big standoff. Don’t be cruel to each other. Instead, feel the erotic possibilities in the energy pulsing through your angry body.
“He’ll stop in the middle of a sentence and say, ‘Your skin glows when you’re angry’ or ‘Your nipples are hard under that shirt.’ It turns me on. The adrenaline is pumping, and so are the sex hormones. I like knowing I can completely break his concentration by putting my hands on my hips and thrusting my chest out.” —Gina, 33
“When we fight, we have to stand toe-to-toe and stage-whisper so we won’t wake the baby. His lowered voice and the proximity of his body to mine is exciting. I can’t help myself. I want to kiss his Adam’s apple.” —Andrea, 29
2. Take a Laugh Break
Laughter is healing. It can also be erotic, like champagne bubbles bursting in the brain. So laugh with each other — but not at each other.